How it feels to make a record when you're Sarah Humphreys

How it feels to make a record.

In less than two weeks I go into the studio to make my second full length record. It's been waiting for a long time, waiting for the right songs, waiting for me to be ready. I don't know if i've ever been 'ready' to make my records. But the time has come for me to step into this for two solid weeks and come out of it with a new baby to take care of and to share. Record number two, she's nearly here!

I remember writing songs for 'record number two' over five years ago in my Kincumber home. I was still married, i was still paying off my first record and I wasn't even close to becoming a mother. Life has changed dramatically. And i'm truly glad it has. There have been many dark moments, wandering through all the unknown. The artist in me doesn't mind what i need to go through in order to bare my soul and write the perfect song for that moment. But I mind very much!

I am not hungry for this world, for this industry, to MAKE IT.

Some (lovely people) have asked…

Do you even want to be famous?

Why don't you go on Australian Idol/The Voice/All the other ones

You'll make it one day.

Why aren't you famous yet?

You just need a manager/a big break/an interview with this person/to meet this person/to go to Paris/To do this show for nothing which is a wonderful opportunity/To go VIRAL *shudders*

After all of these years I can truly say that i am simply a Mother and an artist. I will not strive just so others believe i am deserving. I will make beautiful music out of thin air and I will share it with whoever wants to listen. I will give you my time, I will give you my heart. But this industry will not own me and I will always put my son and my self first, for without those two things - well… the art will just dry up like a drained and exhausted old river. And to have not one but TWO companies who get that, who support that, who love me and my life and my music and my personality for what it is - I am eternally grateful. ABC Music & Mushroom Music Publishing are the backbone to this album, this next phase of my musical career. 

Sometimes the hardest workers just keep working and striving and working til they're all worn out and they're somewhere up a river they didn't even know they were swimming up. It's kind of like me when i've had too much coffee, i'm going really fast but i'm not getting much done. Nothing real anyway. So I will just keep swimming, slowly and surely knowing my time will come. I will get to where I am going, I can't not. In fact, I'm very nearly almost there.

I felt very sad when Seal (yes i'm going to talk about The Voice again) handed his singers a piece of paper which said 

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE

Actually, there is. Balanced, normal, loving human beings know that they are not the centre of the universe. Your best? It's enough. It's more than enough. Success at all costs doesn't work out for anyone around you, not even you in the end.

Thankfully even though i'm a pretty peaceful homebody these days, I do love to share. Songs, emails, text messages, blogs, tweets, status updates… You name it. Except phone calls. Jude HATES me talking on the phone. And why shouldn't he? So add me on all of those thingies. Don't call. You'll just make a two year old cry. ANYWAY I'll be keeping in touch while i'm recording this new beautiful beast of an album. My new word is 'yes!' instead of 'no!' 

I am working with some of the most talented people in this country. Matt Fell. Josh Schuberth. Jeff McCormack. It's incredible. I trust them to know my soul and to know my music. And even when something sounds a bit odd, like 

'Let's record this outside! In a compost bin! With a sitar!' 

I'll be like, 'You know what you crazy old men*? Let's effing do just that!'

*Older than me. Not old ;)

x Sare

The boy getting squished. I love him so.

In an ordinary afternoon...we made this!

One afternoon last week, the boys and I decided to make this film clip. It took a couple of hours to set up the big lights, make myself look pretty, whack on a new (vintage) dress (it was a bargain and i bloody love it) and do a few takes of the song.

I'd love you to watch it, share it and absorb this beautiful Wilco song. I've cried many a tear listening to Wilco, i've rocked my baby boy to sleep listening to their collaboration with Billy Bragg and singing Woody Guthrie lyrics. It's close to my heart...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbLYZ62leDw

My first little clip with many more to come... 'You Make My Dreams' is halfway finished.

Things are happening, it's awesome. This balancing act is working out. Phew.

x

So, About Him...

Him is my new recording. It's my first little toe dip in the water since i became Jude's Mumma. Everything surrounding this EP makes me smile and/or feel emotional and I'd like to share some of the moments with you.

TWO HEARTS - BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
I chose six songs, one of which only made it onto the record by sheer luck because i promised my manager Chris I'd only do five. It was a small project and we had a limited amount of time and our budget was little. But if i got this one in one take, could i put it on? Please? Okay he said. And one take, 'Two Hearts' became a member of this ukulele family of songs. I won! I heard this song on a mix-tape some guy made me.. I chose each song because it reminded me of a man in my life.. and all of these songwriters are male. I wanted to interpret their words and their feelings through the eyes of a woman.

JESUS ETC - WILCO
Being a person on stage has it's benefits. Even when it's a small stage like most of the ones I'm on, people still put you on a pedestal. Especially boys. Boys love girls on stage. At the beginning they're all like 'You're so awesome' 'I love that song' 'You're on stage, oh wowsy.' Well they don't SAY 'wowsy' but that's what they're thinking. And the stage lighting, especially if it's the warm tones makes an average girl look like a sexy mama. Kinda. In the right dress...

But it's not real. And it wears off. And you're left with plain old Sarah. I like her. She still writes songs, she is quirky and loving and warm and sometimes gets grumpy but she's cool. But she's nowhere near as cool as the girl on stage that they first met. And she doesn't constantly wear 60's vintage dresses. Sometimes she wear jeans. And the reality sets in. So a song or two on this EP are for one of those boys. The dick boy on stage that liked the girl on stage.

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE - BOX CAR WILLIE
One song is for my Dad. We used to sing this song in the car together when i was REALLY little. He loved Country & Western tapes and would always have one playing in the big brown Ford Falcon that we called 'The Beast.' My Dad and i haven't always been particularly close, he had a lot more in common with my older brothers and they did lots of sporty, blokey things. He spent more time with his home-made BBQ to be perfectly honest, burnt everything to a crisp, the sausage. I also lived with my Mum most of the time, so it was just my Mum and I from when i was nine onwards so there wasn't heaps of Dad time. But we loved each other, in our own confused way. We've gotten a lot closer now that I'm older and he isn't as well. A lot of things have been forgiven, a lot of water under the bridge. Lots of tears, lots of love, lots of singing. He cries every time i sing. It's really hard to not get choked up when my Dad is at a gig.

YOU MAKE-A-MAI DREAMS COME TRUE - HALL & OATES
Another man came into my life when i started to make this EP. I cleverly asked him to take photos of my recording session and then dropped not-so-subtle hints that i thought he was a sex-bomb. Whatever that is. But seriously, he is so tall... We eventually and awkwardly began dating and getting to know each other and he really does make my dreams come true. He's a wonderful, well-rounded, kind and very nice looking man. I should have assigned vomit bags for this post...So i sing that song for him now every time it comes up in the set.

DANIEL - ELTON JOHN
Daniel is another song i used to sing for Jude when he was in my tummy, i thought of naming him Daniel but decided the song was far too sad. I used to put this record on and dance around the house, hand on belly. My best friend lost a friend and his name was Daniel, they played this song at his funeral and it matched word for word how everyone was feeling and the life that this young man had lived. The story and the song stuck with me and i had to put it on here.


BEAUTIFUL BOY - JOHN LENNON
My son. My sunshine. My beautiful boy. When he arrived into my life i couldn't given my guitar, my songbooks, my heart, my life away. I fell in love hard. I was an exhausted, breastfeeding mother functioning on very little sleep. I tried to play, really I did. I tried to gig, really I did. But it just didn't work for me. My life was about the health and well being of my son and myself. All i could do was look after us both, and now when i look back - i know that's more than enough in your first year  of having a baby. I am much gentler on myself now. And toddlerhood brings with it sleeping through the night, a little boy who weaned himself at around 17 months with a shake of the head and a Mummy who is in complete awe of the gorgeous human I've created.

So there he is, Him. Some little stories anyway. If you feel like having a listen or feel like buying my music, you can buy it here or you can download it from iTunes or you can go to any record store (JB-HIFI and ABC shops are my main stockists)

Oh and these are some of the photos Paul took while i made it. Adam Toole (my engineer extraordinaire)  took the last couple.

*I'm aware that a lot of these songs have additional writers and info, however i've just listed the version of the song and artist to keep it simple.

To slowly close a door.

Last week i had the privilege as a writer signed to Mushroom Music Publishing to spend some time at a songwriter's retreat in the Hunter Valley. I organised for Jude to stay with his Dad (which he does every week at some point anyway) and put it out of my mind until the day before. I burst into tears. I got anxious and afraid of my old life that didn't fit me anymore. Feelings of unworthiness and being out of my depth surfaced. But i went on packing and after several (million) kisses for Jude, i walked out of the door.

An early train ride calmed me, as they sometimes do. Lots of time to reflect and even though it's not quiet it's quiet compared to a little darling boy asking me questions, grabbing my head to face him and requesting often; 'Don't want Mummy to talk!' if i dare speak to others when he feels like it's the perfect time to have a discussion about Owls. Again.

I felt at ease by the time i was there and back in one of my elements, the gorgeous and rich sea of days and nights on end of music. 'This used to be my life, living and breathing music.' i thought. Hmmm. Yeah a lot of it used to be drinking, smoking, watching tv, procrastinating, boy watching and sleeping in too. But the rosie's were on..

Kim Richey & I.

I worked with a wonderful lady named Kim Richey and we wrote and recorded two songs in a little over a day. I felt it was time to tackle my separation from my husband in a song. So we did. I haven't written about it before. The song is called 'To Slowly Close A Door' - It's a sad and sweet goodbye song, i think it has a lot of peace in it.

These are the words..

'Come a little closer and i'll tell you things I never could before
Breathe a little bigger now, it's a wonder how we got to where we are

Long way we've come a long way
Long way we've come a long way to slowly close a door

Nothing could be sweeter than our Sunday's child, full of grace
We were so much younger the pieces all fell in place

Long way we've come a long way
Long way we've come a long way to slowly close a door

And there is more than enough

*Epic guitar solo by Matt Fell*

We've come a long way to slowly close a door.'

-S.Humphreys/K.Richey

So i guess my message is in this blog, if there is one, is that even if it feels difficult or scary to remember the creative version of yourself, the person you were before you became a wife or a mother, a carer or a workaholic - whatever - please let her dive into something every now and then. You can talk yourself out of anything, you're a pro at it. You're even rewarded for it most of the time and called 'selfless.' But please, don't.

x Sarah (Jude's Mum. And so much more.)

Best (op shop) day of my life.

I walked back up the browny-red coloured stairs with happiness in my heart and my arms full of op shopped bargains and announced to Paul that this was indeed, the best day of my life.

'Of your life?'
He said sweetly.

'Yes. Well it was definitely a moment.'
I answered.

I occasionally exaggerate. But here is my loot and i've been staring at it all since i got it home. Paul can't believe how happy it made me.

Jude is so impressed with his haul... 'Doggy!' Oh Doggy!' he said about his $3 xylophone. There were 4 others there, someone must have been ridding their lives of doggy xylophones... (FYI - It was The Smith Family @ Bateau Bay - behind Bay Village if anyone needs a xylo-fix)

From left to right. Kinda.

Dress for this lady's baby Olive (the embroidery is gorgeous) - $5, Vintage floral dress (with original tags!!) for Coco - $5, Red bloomers for Olive - $3,  Sailor suit for Jude - $4, Brown slacks for Jude - $4, Metal dump truck - $5, Blue papier mache box - $3, Floral saucepan (mint condition) - $2, Doggy xylophone - $3, Wooden necklace - $1, Clay necklace - $1, Brown glass bowl - 25 cents, Vintage floral mug - 25 cents, Wooden bangles - 50 cents each and my favourite find - brown leather sandals for Jude - $2. And they're a perfect fit. Was swooning over saltwater sandals but they were a little pricey for my darling's growing tootsies.

How blessed am i?

 

Chockers of blessed.

x

When We Met...

When we met

It was true love at first sight.

I remember not being able to believe that you stopped crying when you heard my voice.

I remember feeling like a powerful and strong woman for enduring childbirth.

I remember being so afraid that something, anything, could ever happen to you

The kind of fear you know only when you are a parent

You try and deafen it, cover your ears, busy your mind and your hands and your heart

But it creeps in. 

I want to strap you in a stack hat

Lock all the doors

Keep you by my side forever

But i love you too much to keep you cooped up

In my cage of adoration.

I can only imagine God loves you

And knows of your specialness too.

My little darling sweet pea.

With resolution at my side.

I think i have just thought up the two most boring resolutions of my life. It's almost embarrassing for me to admit to them, for my fear of being 'boring' overrides many many other fears in my life.

So here they are…

To be more organised

To get more sleep.

Wow. I almost fell asleep just then…

Sometimes living a 'fly by the seat of your pants' kind of lifestyle is exciting and liberating. But for me it's become quite soul destroying and fills me with anxiety over the smallest of things. I have literally burst into tears sometimes at the thought of what to make for dinner, realising i haven't got any of the ingredients i require, have over-scheduled and under-planned my week and have stayed up too late writing/reading/facebooking/tv-watching/god-knows-what-else-ing.

So instead of it being exciting, it's actually become quite stressful. And i'm done.

So this year i am letting go of the teenager within and embracing the woman i know i am. The peaceful, capable, organised, loving, energised mother, musician, girlfriend, family member and friend. 

Not just for me… for him

x

Things Jude likes.

Jude - Aged two years and one month

1. Asking questions (repeatedly) instead of making statements. 

Instead of 'I want to go to the shops' he says;

'Do you want to go to the shops?'

'Do you want to go to the shops darlin?'

Do you want to go to the shops sweet pea?

Then you ask him the question…

Mummy : 'Do you want to go to the shops sweet pea?'

And he answers in the most beautiful tone///

'Yaaaiis'

2.  Reading books

3. Puzzlin' with his puzzles.

4. Bubbles. 

5. Santa. Talking about Santa. 

6. Multivitamins disguised as bear lollies

7. Play doh. Where he orders what he would like you to make and then watches you make it. Sometimes he may contribute by making some wheels/eyes. Maaaayyyybe.

8. Painting. Or should i say 'moving paint around with his hands or a stick.'

9. Playing 'shopping trolleys and prams' where he and another little human (or a big human most of the time) run around after each other from his room to the lounge room and back again. Over and over again. His tiny little friends even get tired of this waaaay before Jude does.

10. 'Jumping' on the bed. Even though Jude can't jump - naw!

11. Feeding the chickens next-door or the ducks at the lake. 

12. The rookpool in Terrigal. They should start charging for that place* it's so freekin cool. * - Please don't.

13. The Thomas The Tank Engine ride at Erina Fair. He sits very still and has a slight smile on his face, but mostly it's a look of utter seriousness, concentration and awe of all that is Thomas. Only a mother knows, this is the most excited face of all.

14. Wheels. Fans. Washing machines. Dryers. Air conditioning units. Things that go round and round. Sometimes we'll spend 20 minutes watching the washing machine… Then when we're at other people's houses, he asks to see their washing machines. Yep.

15. The people he loves. There's a few special people to Jude, me included and he loves us so. We love him back. So much. More than he will ever know. But i hope he knows as much as he can know.

Oh and obviously watching his favourite movies and TV shows on our crappy TV. But i'm not going to put THAT in. Cars, Toy Story, Dora The Explorer, Giggle & Hoot, Roary The Racing Car…. 

There is always room.

'There is always room for love.

There is always time.'

When my eyes are closed various things happen. I might feel inspired to do something, but most of the time i feel like a nap after a long morning of 'requests' from my two year old boss which are actually demands. However, i try and see the glass as half full most of the time. A guy i was speaking to today was trying to convince me of the 'terrible twos and aren't they shocking and oh my' but i continually repeated to him that although Jude is intense, i don't like to think of it this way. Complaining and whinging won't make this time any easier. Repeat. Repeat. Breathe. Repeat. (I'm all for a good cry/whinge/moan/scream when it's needed, rather than holding it all in and pretending everything is fine. But a constant hum of complaints does nuttin' for noone, especially the complainer.)

Anyway.

Sometimes i feel like getting up and having a spoonful of nutella.

Sometimes i feel like having a bath.

Sometimes i feel like puttering around the house, moving things around but not really actually cleaning anything.

Sometimes i feel like making something. Crappy - but made with love.

And sometimes when my little heart decides it has enough inspiration and wants to do what it used to have time for day in day out - it comes up with some words. Sometimes a song, sometimes a poem, sometimes a list of affirmations and dreams and things that long to be put on paper.

This is what came out the other day, short and sweet.

x