But before i go on with my blog post i will introduce myself...
My name is Sarah, Sarah Humphreys. I make music and two years ago i created my masterpiece, his name is Jude. I loved him the minute i looked into his eyes. I remember being amazed that when he heard my voice, he stopped crying. I have never felt such immense awe in my whole life. I found it hard to get back into gigging and writing and i was hard on myself. I did my first gig when he was three weeks old and wondered why i was such a failure? Why couldn't i cope with being a mother and musician? I now think back to those days and want to give myself a big warm hug and say 'get off the freekin stage and leave yourself alone!' But i can't. I can only smile, sigh and know that when i finally did realise i just needed to learn how to be a Mother for a while. For as long as it took, even if that was forever. And that if there's no band room and you're a breastfeeding mother, don't say yes to the gig.
Peace came with slowing down. I wasn't sure if i'd ever do 'the music thing' again. Well other than the odd gig here and there. Write songs, show my family, have family jams. And then slowly but surely it came back...I started writing and people wanted to hear what i'd written. I started giving away my non maternity clothes that i'd been wearing for what felt like EIGHT YEARS and pulled out some vintage dresses (and bought a few more late night shopping on ebay.) My marriage ended amicably and my ex-husband and i went back to being what we've suspected we've always been best as - friends. Jude weaned himself at sixteen months with a simple shake of the head, he never went back on. I was equal parts heartbroken and relieved, a chapter of his babyhood was over and i was proud of the commitment i had made to breastfeeding which wasn't always easy/natural/painless. I look back on that time with such fondness. A sweet little bub asleep on the boob, and those night feeds/cuddles. Sigh. Anyway what was i saying? Music! Yes. People wanted to hear my voice again, and my voice was there waiting patiently for me. I signed a record deal with ABC and made a new EP with an album coming out next year. People remembered me. I grew as a writer and as a person. I was broken in half from motherhood and when i put myself back together, i was remade into who i am now. A lady i'm quite proud of. Just when i thought it was all over...
Right now i am going through a time in my life of complete and utter busy-ness. I don't cope all that well with wearing many hats, usually i just wear the one and dedicate my life to wearing it well. My multi-tasking abilities are similar to that of a man and not the sharpest man in the shed. I also have complete and utter tunnel vision when it comes to something i care about. Some days i cope, other days i feel drained, tired and a bit underwhelmed with myself.
I think in two years time i will want to put my arm around who i am today and say 'You're doing a great job. And it's all going to be okay. Promise.'
Yes.
Love & stuff x Sare
