Geoffrey. My Dad.

I miss my Dad. But then again i always have.

My Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia in July 2005. In this year i was also engaged, married and lost my beloved dog Snoopy who had been my best friend for thirteen years. It was the start of many ups and downs that would last a few years.

Binswanger's disease has robbed him of a lot of his dignity, and he now resides in a lovely little 'apartment' in a safe complex with 24 hour care at hand. Yeah he's in a nursing home. A good one, we were lucky and patient. My older brother and my Mum looked after him before then. I helped out for a little while by living with him for half the week until I was 6 months pregnant and struggling, physically and emotionally. He now has his own room and bathroom, foxtel, a bigger tv than I do and all his own furniture. He eats breakfast lunch and dinner with people 30 years older than him who fall asleep in their meals though. It's such a sleepy, quiet place.

We were never extremely close. It was always Saz and Mum, Dad and the boys. Mostly I don't blame him for not being close to me; we didn't have much in common.  We have grown closer now that I am older, i make an effort and we talk more, we sing old songs and we recite Banjo Patterson poems together, tears streaming down his face and welling in mine. But sometimes I do mind that we weren't close when i was younger. When I needed him. I know i used to mind. So what if we didn't have things in common, freekin' make something up - you're my Dad! I learned those Banjo Patterson poems for him. Off by heart. I ran and jumped and shot putted and ran and still came last in every race until i discovered what i was good at and stopped going to Little Athletics at Duffy's oval and stayed home listening to, playing and writing music. Good call!

This illness has brought out a softness in him, a vulnerability of sorts. The pomposity is gone but the cryptic crossword lover remains. Who would have thought you could be knowledgeable without being a wanker about it? I jest... I like knowing things that he knows now. Very much.

I have an aversion to know-it-alls and my reactions are always exaggerated by my sore spot which i earned from Dad in my youth. I grew up being condemned for saying 'um' and 'like' and 'hate - it is too strong a word!' And my shows were silly, I turned on the waterworks instead of just accepting a punishment properly, I was spoiled by Mum… I get all of it. I love what it's done for me, I love to write and i can use their, there and they're in the correct way. Most of the time. But you need more than that in a Dad. You need someone who is open and loving and gentle and careful with his gift of a daughter. And thankfully i've dug around and found our relationship later in our lives, that one will just have to do. I'll love him and he'll love me in our own funny little way. And we'll just carry on carrying on.

Until he forgets my name… 

And i will carry on loving and forgiving him. Forever.

x

How it feels to make a record when you're Sarah Humphreys

How it feels to make a record.

In less than two weeks I go into the studio to make my second full length record. It's been waiting for a long time, waiting for the right songs, waiting for me to be ready. I don't know if i've ever been 'ready' to make my records. But the time has come for me to step into this for two solid weeks and come out of it with a new baby to take care of and to share. Record number two, she's nearly here!

I remember writing songs for 'record number two' over five years ago in my Kincumber home. I was still married, i was still paying off my first record and I wasn't even close to becoming a mother. Life has changed dramatically. And i'm truly glad it has. There have been many dark moments, wandering through all the unknown. The artist in me doesn't mind what i need to go through in order to bare my soul and write the perfect song for that moment. But I mind very much!

I am not hungry for this world, for this industry, to MAKE IT.

Some (lovely people) have asked…

Do you even want to be famous?

Why don't you go on Australian Idol/The Voice/All the other ones

You'll make it one day.

Why aren't you famous yet?

You just need a manager/a big break/an interview with this person/to meet this person/to go to Paris/To do this show for nothing which is a wonderful opportunity/To go VIRAL *shudders*

After all of these years I can truly say that i am simply a Mother and an artist. I will not strive just so others believe i am deserving. I will make beautiful music out of thin air and I will share it with whoever wants to listen. I will give you my time, I will give you my heart. But this industry will not own me and I will always put my son and my self first, for without those two things - well… the art will just dry up like a drained and exhausted old river. And to have not one but TWO companies who get that, who support that, who love me and my life and my music and my personality for what it is - I am eternally grateful. ABC Music & Mushroom Music Publishing are the backbone to this album, this next phase of my musical career. 

Sometimes the hardest workers just keep working and striving and working til they're all worn out and they're somewhere up a river they didn't even know they were swimming up. It's kind of like me when i've had too much coffee, i'm going really fast but i'm not getting much done. Nothing real anyway. So I will just keep swimming, slowly and surely knowing my time will come. I will get to where I am going, I can't not. In fact, I'm very nearly almost there.

I felt very sad when Seal (yes i'm going to talk about The Voice again) handed his singers a piece of paper which said 

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE

Actually, there is. Balanced, normal, loving human beings know that they are not the centre of the universe. Your best? It's enough. It's more than enough. Success at all costs doesn't work out for anyone around you, not even you in the end.

Thankfully even though i'm a pretty peaceful homebody these days, I do love to share. Songs, emails, text messages, blogs, tweets, status updates… You name it. Except phone calls. Jude HATES me talking on the phone. And why shouldn't he? So add me on all of those thingies. Don't call. You'll just make a two year old cry. ANYWAY I'll be keeping in touch while i'm recording this new beautiful beast of an album. My new word is 'yes!' instead of 'no!' 

I am working with some of the most talented people in this country. Matt Fell. Josh Schuberth. Jeff McCormack. It's incredible. I trust them to know my soul and to know my music. And even when something sounds a bit odd, like 

'Let's record this outside! In a compost bin! With a sitar!' 

I'll be like, 'You know what you crazy old men*? Let's effing do just that!'

*Older than me. Not old ;)

x Sare

The boy getting squished. I love him so.

Birthzillas - Uh oh!

I was a little confused to read a comment on a Facebook post which said something along the lines of 'Tara Moss - a REAL journalist unlike Mia Freedman...'

I thought 'Uh oh spaghetti-ohhh! What's Mia said now?'  I'm a bit of a fan of Mia's. I like her wit, i like that she helps people get their crying trolls* (i mean babies! Babies..) to sleep and i just think she's a cool person. An ordinary Mum doing really great things. I've met and know a lot of them. True story.

I realised the hoo haa was over this post. All I read into Mia's post was how sad and hurt she was by being constantly bashed and judged for her birth choices and for teaching her babies to sleep in a way that some people disagree with. And i get it. I also get the other side, as a proud Mumma of one i had a 'birth ideas' A4 page that i carried around with me, i did pre-natal yoga, felt confident and in control mostly. My beautiful, extremely intense, painful and 'i am being torn in half!' natural birth and natural placenta birth IS something to be proud of. I chose to breastfeed, it was hard, i persevered, it was still hard, i persevered, i took it week by week and finally it was the easiest thing ever and we had 16 loving months of breastfeeding snuggles til he shook his head one day and never went on again. Another true story. To backtrack a little, he fed every two hours around the clock. I used a slightly gentler version of the Tizzie Hall 'Save Our Sleep' program when he was 9 months old and he started sleeping.. really sleeping. And i started to get the hang of things. Very slowly.

In no way did my natural and drug-free birth (natural placenta birth too! Did i mention that? Jokes) mean i was out of the woods. I suffered from debilitating anxiety and pre and post natal depression. For Jude's first year i fed him, cuddled him, fell in love, obsessed over him,  cried, napped and worried. That's about it. It's all i could do. I gave up trying to work for the most part. I don't regret it at all, i never pushed myself after that. Ever. I learned to be gentle on myself. I learned to be a Mother. I took advice from column A, and some from column B and the rest of the time i simply made it up.

I get that the smugness is annoying. We natural birthers need to quit that. There's a difference between proud of yourself (as EVERY woman who's birthed in ANY way should be) and being smug. So let's just stop. 

We do on the other hand need to watch out for being one of those storytellers that scare other people preparing to be Mums. It just simply doesn't help. Anything that doesn't empower, uplift and lovingly prepare a woman for what is ahead of her should be shoved in the 'We can swap stories AFTER the birth' pile. Stuff that does help is hand-me-down clothes, making food and tea for pregnant ladies, encouragement, a shoulder to cry on when being preggers gets all too much for some, if you're loaded - a nice pregnancy massage and foot rubs if you're poor.

Calmbirth helps. Pre-natal yoga helps. Counselling helps if you're hormones and weird pregnant lady brain is making pregnancy tougher than it should be. All you are doing is improving your odds. There are no guarantees in life and childbirth is one of the biggest reminders of this.

So at 41+ weeks there i sat on my birthing ball. Praying for a healthy, live baby. Praying for a smooth birth, praying for acceptance of the fact that it would be beautiful no matter what the outcome. And it was. It was simply magical.

I would have swapped my drug-free, short labour for any relief from my post-natal anxiety in a heartbeat. That was hell and it was sad. I'm still sad that i went through that. That i doubted myself so much when i look back and all I see is a beautiful new Mother trying her very VERY best. But we can't play swapsies, we can only play the best we can with the cards we are dealt. 

I am sending all you Mums love. Homebirthers, Elective Casesarian birthers, Emergency caesarian birthers, natural birthers, epidural lovers - all you women making your own choices. 

x Sarah

PS - I would just like to say that i believe a big part of my short labour was that I have MASSIVE child bearing hips that i'm eternally grateful for. My pre-natal yoga teacher Jodi said i was also really bendy and stretchy in that area - I could pretty much lay them completely on the floor in balasana - that's good i think. They make shopping for jeans interesting but that's a whole other story. So we each bear our own cross... Again -jokes. But seriously, these hips!

* - Babies are not trolls. I know this. But seriously the look on a newborn's face when it's been crying for a RE-HEALY long time is somewhat troll like. Jude still has troll-like moments occasionally. I love and will always love my little troll.

Me. At 41+weeks pregnant. Tired but ready.

A review of 'Him' by Bernard Zuel of the Sydney Morning Herald. No big deal.

Can anyone say 'yew!!' like a bogan?
Oh you betcha. Seriously though, i'm really chuffed. Tears in eyes chuffed.

x

You Make My Dreams Come True

Oh wowzer! We made another film clippy. This was REALLY fun, i think we'll just keep making them!

You can watch it here.

Many thanks to Dane Howell behind the camera, Paul Melnyk & Troy Henderson for being my totally lovely band, The Glass Onion Society, The Hendo family and my lovely audience for joining in.

x

I gotst a review, Ma!

And i totes teared up...

'Four years after the release of Sarah Humphreys’ debut album Teapots, Trees, and Lovebirds, the Central Coast songstress has returned with a captivating six-song, home-recorded EP of covers dedicated to all the men who have had an impact on her life, including her father, son, and boyfriends past and present.


It is fitting that the cover of Him is a simple sketch of a bird on a branch with a background of cardboard brown, as like her obvious influences Nick Drake and Joni Mitchell, Humphreys strips songs down to their most simplistic forms, yet retains the feel and passion for the subject matter with her beautifully-floating vocals and tasteful ukulele touches.


Despite the undisputed quality of the songs she covers – including tunes by big-hitters Elton John, John Lennon, and Bruce Springsteen – it is Humphreys’ voice that is the star of the show here. The qualities of her delivery could probably allow her to sing the contents of the phonebook and still be engaging.


First up is ‘Daniel,’ the Elton/Bernie Taupin-penned hit. Fearlessly tackling songs many would consider to be classics, Humphreys makes everything she sings her own. Singing about a blinded war veteran returning home can’t be easy, but she does it effortlessly, with only a subtle ukulele floating in the background of her soft yet intense vocals.


Next up is ‘You Are My Sunshine,’ the old Jimmie Davis tune; covered by every folkie young and old since it emerged in the 1930s, and which Humphreys dedicates to her father. There are hundreds of versions of this song out there (check out Brian Wilson’s masterful take on the 2004, near-mythical Smile LP) and Humphreys does a fine job with it, putting her stamp on the song with a vocal full of relaxed expression and sounding like she really means it.


‘Beautiful Boy’ follows, originally written by John Lennon, and reportedly one of Paul McCartney’s top-ten favourite songs of all time. Dedicating the song to her son, Humphreys again takes someone else’s composition to another level.  While some artists’ choice of covers can leave a listener scratching their head, Humphreys clearly knows the sort of songs that will match her voice and gentle ukulele combination.


Track four is the Hall & Oates staple ‘You Make My Dreams,’ allowing Humphreys to set the folk aside and indulge in some straight-up pop. With snappy hand-claps, soaring harmonies, and tinkling percussion, her version would sound great played live with guitar and drums.


Penultimate track ‘Jesus Etc.’ sounds sparse and downbeat compared to the Wilco original, and could be improved with a little percussion, yet Humphreys does it justice with another beautifully-delivered vocal, while closer ‘Two Hearts,’ a Bruce Springsteen song, sounds so tailor-made for her that it could probably be mistaken for an original composition in circles less-schooled in the ways of ‘The Boss’.


Cover records are often underwhelming and can so easily fall short of their original intentions, but with Him, Sarah Humphreys has delivered a thoughtful and appealing set of interpretations of modern classics. The rich qualities of her singing put her in the same league of many of her more well-known contemporaries, and evoke comparisons to the likes of Sally Seltmann and Holly Throsby. Indeed, if the Seeker Lover Keeper girls ever decided to become a quartet, they should look no further. Until then, we can enjoy Him, and wait to see what Humphreys does next.'

PAUL MCBRIDE- AAA BACKSTAGE
http://www.aaabackstage.com/news/reviews/2022-ep-review-sarah-humphreys-him.html

Him is out now through ABC Music/Universal.
If you'd like to buy any of my music, it's available on iTunes, ABC stores, JBhifi or through my website.

x

Happy being Sarah.

Once a reviewer told me my first album was full of cliches. He was a lowly reviewer, but a reviewer nonetheless. I've had many good reviews too by people i never dreamed would listen to my records. (Positive! Always look for the positive!) So i apologise about the 'Happy being Sarah' title but it seemed so fitting. Isn't that why they're cliches? 'Cause you say something and everyone says 'oh yeah sister, amen to that.' Or something similar.

I've had an interesting week, i hopped on a plane and visited beautiful friends in Melbourne. I played a show and had a meeting with my publishing company.I barely made any money but i didn't mind, the gifts i received on this trip meant more than money in my purse.

The Wesley Anne, photo by Oliver Happy.

I am constantly in awe of some of the people that work at Mushroom and the way they have supported my career through the birth of my child, through the phase i went through of only writing dark, slow and sombre experimental type music and much more too. Instead of feeling pressure i feel an uplifting sense of gratitude for their patience and understanding. And they get me. They get that i'm not shooting for the moon. I just love to write, make good records and be a good Mum. A good person. They love me as i am.

I also parted ways with my management team after over a year of working together. It was swift, it was sudden and it was clean. Sometimes people are in your life for a little while until you both agree that 'our work here is done.' I believe that i needed help in starting up my musical 'career' (Sometimes the word 'career' seems so annoying to me.) after such a long break where all i did was pat my son's head, nap and breastfeed. I'm pretty sure i did other things too but those are the things that stand out to me. Now i feel like it's time for me to take over things myself again, with more confidence and a belief in myself. I lost that. Anyway. Short story really, we had different ideas on who Sarah Humphreys is. Was. Whatever.

'I'm happy being me. '
'We're not happy with that.'
'I'm happy being me.'
END OF RELATIONSHIP.
SARAH LEFT FEELING SLIGHTLY BEWILDERED.


There are enough people in the world on YOUR wavelength to not bother with the people who aren't. There are enough people who like you, just as you are. You don't have to break, you don't even have to bend. You can just wish them well and go on your merry little way. You can have a little cry. You can have a big cry. Or you can just simply let go and swap your contacts list, fix up any outstanding bills and return to being you.

Off to The National Folk Festival in Canberra tomorrow, i should finish packing our woollens right now but i needed a morning to just drink tea and read your beautiful little writings. I have a bunged up nose so i think this decision is wise. A morning of rest. Meetings with ABC next week about when i'll be recording and releasing my next album. My second full length album. I'm more than a little bit excited and very ready.

So there you go. I'm happy being Sarah. I accept who she is, how she looks, how she is. It feels nice to say that. To all of you. (All seven of you.) ;)

x