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Monday 20 February 2012

To slowly close a door.

Last week i had the privilege as a writer signed to Mushroom Music Publishing to spend some time at a songwriter's retreat in the Hunter Valley. I organised for Jude to stay with his Dad (which he does every week at some point anyway) and put it out of my mind until the day before. I burst into tears. I got anxious and afraid of my old life that didn't fit me anymore. Feelings of unworthiness and being out of my depth surfaced. But i went on packing and after several (million) kisses for Jude, i walked out of the door.

An early train ride calmed me, as they sometimes do. Lots of time to reflect and even though it's not quiet it's quiet compared to a little darling boy asking me questions, grabbing my head to face him and requesting often; 'Don't want Mummy to talk!' if i dare speak to others when he feels like it's the perfect time to have a discussion about Owls. Again.

I felt at ease by the time i was there and back in one of my elements, the gorgeous and rich sea of days and nights on end of music. 'This used to be my life, living and breathing music.' i thought. Hmmm. Yeah a lot of it used to be drinking, smoking, watching tv, procrastinating, boy watching and sleeping in too. But the rosie's were on..

Kim Richey & I.
I worked with a wonderful lady named Kim Richey and we wrote and recorded two songs in a little over a day. I felt it was time to tackle my separation from my husband in a song. So we did. I haven't written about it before. The song is called 'To Slowly Close A Door' - It's a sad and sweet goodbye song, i think it has a lot of peace in it.

These are the words..

'Come a little closer and i'll tell you things I never could before
Breathe a little bigger now, it's a wonder how we got to where we are

Long way we've come a long way
Long way we've come a long way to slowly close a door

Nothing could be sweeter than our Sunday's child, full of grace
We were so much younger the pieces all fell in place

Long way we've come a long way
Long way we've come a long way to slowly close a door

And there is more than enough

*Epic guitar solo by Matt Fell*

We've come a long way to slowly close a door.'

-S.Humphreys/K.Richey



So i guess my message is in this blog, if there is one, is that even if it feels difficult or scary to remember the creative version of yourself, the person you were before you became a wife or a mother, a carer or a workaholic - whatever - please let her dive into something every now and then. You can talk yourself out of anything, you're a pro at it. You're even rewarded for it most of the time and called 'selfless.' But please, don't.

x Sarah (Jude's Mum. And so much more.)

11 comments:

  1. Beautiful Sarah, you are so gorgeous, strong and courageous. Peace is every step and you took the first, most difficult one, good on you. Much Love, Katie xxx And big kisses to that beautiful boy!

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    1. Thanks Katie, you are always full of wisdom, kindness and smiles and i love to read your blog. It really helps me. x

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  2. Well now, I just listened to you sing on YouTube and I have goosebumps on my goosebumps. Sarah, you are amaaaaazing.

    So, obviously I'm thrilled that you gave yourself this retreat. 'Breathe bigger' seems to be a message for me today and your last paragraph spoke right into my heart. I needed to visit you today and I need to listen to your words and know that I'm going to be okay.

    And so is Jude. No matter what.

    x

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    1. I think we'll just have to go and start a mutual appreciation society! Because i love the way you write and share, i've read so many of your blogs and let out a sigh of relief and had a lot of 'i've been there too' moments. It's so helpful and also very honest without being over the top. Just simply, lovely.

      We ARE going to be okay, even when everything is not.

      Glad to have your support and please know that you have mine too!

      Oh and thanks for listening to my little songs, i'm glad they spoke to your heart.

      x

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  3. Hello singer, song writer, what a wonderful talent to be given. Love yourself, your words your talent. Dont ever go a day without writing a lryic or humming a tune. Spill your emotion onto the paper, feel the melody grow within. Jude is a lucky wee man!

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    1. Oh thank you so much for your wonderful and wise comment, it really spoke to my heart. You're absolutely right, one hundred percent right. x

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  4. Hi Sarah, I really love your last paragraph, it's so hard as a mama sometimes to squash the Should voice, as in "should take care of everyone and everything before I sit down to do something as frivolous as being a bit creative"... that voice can be so LOUD! But It's so essential- thanks for the inspiration x

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  5. Hey Nic! Well i'm so glad i posted my little thought and my song, i hope it reminded you that being creative is a necessity! I sure need reminding when the washing is piled up, trucks and textas and paints and books and food all over the lounge/bed/floor. Doesn't seem like to perfect time to say 'eff it! It's song time...' And i only have ONE! ;)

    x

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  6. Hello, what a beautiful post. Thanks!

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  7. Beautiful. Thank you for the reminder.

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  8. A wonderful message Sarah.

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